Making greatness cannot be anticipated.
I've spent some time wondering how to make things that I wanted to make. Then I became preoccupied with making things that mattered and that I wanted to make. Then I lost sight of what I wanted and focused on making things that mattered. When I say that I mean things that matter to the broader history and culture. I wanted to make things that were 'meaningful' and 'thoughtful' but I did not think about actually making things. It was more about ideas that I felt would be regarded well.
My affair with this kind of historiography is dead now. Now that I'm not in the mouth of the beast, I feel I have the ability to stretch my agenda a bit more and enjoy the building up of things, over the building up of ideas.
Defending myself against history is no longer part of my agenda in this. I have to fully break down that impulse, but the initial fissure is there.
